Vamos a Ver...

10 Things I've Done Since the Last Time I Posted

As you have no doubt noticed I took the month of February off. This would have been okay except that I forgot to announce it, even to myself, and left readers to wonder what might have become of me. I have resolved to take my blogging responsibilities more seriously and apologize for the unplanned interruption in regular posting. For anyone out there who may have feared the worst I can only quote Mark Twain and say that "rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

Here's a funny little factoid about me- I have the same birthday as Mark Twain, November 30th- also Winston Churchill and Abbie Hoffman. It pleases me to have these guys as birthday mates. Despite their differences I've always felt that there was some commonality among them, but I'd never been able (or tried)  to nail down what it was. Thinking about it now, besides all three being male historical figures, the main commonalities I can identify among them is that all three were powerful agents for change in their particular eras, all three could write (and obviously think), and all three suffered from scathing bouts of depression, although only one of them, Abbie Hoffman, died of it. Although I've succeeded in matching them in the depression department I have some work to do if I am going to live up to the other aspects of full membership in this club. Vamos a ver.

Since it's been a month I suppose it would be nice if I gave some account of what I've been up to versus saying something unenlightening like, "I dunno," or giving no explanation at all. What happened was that we went to Puerto Rico on February 2nd. Leading up to the trip I got overly busy trying to get ready, during the trip I was out of my routine and off balance, and after the trip I was overly busy trying to get back into my routine, but I finally have and now I feel like I have some time again- so here I am.

10 Things I've Done in the Last Month (not necessarily in chronological order or order of importance)

Went to Rincon, Puerto Rico for a week. Jim and I plan to go back again as soon as possible for as long as possible.

Decided (again) to quit coloring my hair (although I'll have some lowlights done in front).

Went snorkeling and saw a big Hawks Bill turtle.

Got the first blue egg laid by our new (last years chicks) hens.

Signed up for another triathlon (happening in the end of July).

Went on a weekend retreat at IMS in Barre, MA, and signed up for two more.

Had four teeth extracted- yup four, all part of a dental treatment plan that will hopefully allow me to go through a course of Zometa (anti-osteoporosis/anti-bone metastisis drug) without having jawbone complications. These are rare but when they happen they're bad. I'm psyched about the Zometa and happy that I am eligible for yet another avenue for preventing cancer recurrence.

Started buying baby clothes for my grandchild who is FINALLY quite a bit bigger than a mouse and who will need something to wear when he or she appears in August.

Went on a trail ride with Pintos R Us in Rincon, PR, during which we were chased by a stray wild stallion and his distraught mother. The wild stallion pulled Jim's horse's tail, causing her to kick him (the stallion, not Jim). Jim had never ridden before but he survived and says he'd do it again.

Decided that if knee surgery is offered as an option at my orthopedics appointment on Friday I'm going to go for it. I'm totally sick of this knee thing and never knowing from one day to the next if I'm going to be able to walk normally or not, let alone go for a bike, run, or horse ride.

Wednesday Woes

Yesterday afternoon the knee situation took another bad turn. Just before leaving the house to see my afternoon clients I got a call from the orthopedics office informing me that my doctor has been "called into surgery" for Friday and has to reschedule. Their earliest appointment is next Thursday. I responded to this news as any rational adult would under the circumstances and began to cry right then and there on the phone. The woman calling was very nice about it and sympathetic but couldn't do much to help me.

They did arrange for my doctor to call in a prescription for painkillers.  We have plenty of those around here, left over from when I was going through the Taxol part of chemotherapy and from a tooth extraction I had (also during chemo), so I declined.

Here's where things stand now. I have the appointment with my usual doctor for next Thursday and an appointment at another practice about 15 minutes from here for Monday. This other practice is also supposed to call me right away if they have a cancellation today. We're having a snowstorm so I was optimistic that this would happen-so far no luck.

 I've finally given in and taken some Vicodin. This is a last ditch thing with me. I don't like how it makes me feel but at the point I'm at I seem to feel better with it (woozy, kind of out of it) than without it (like I'm going to flip out and throw some kind or pain/tension/stress tantrum). I also took an Advil which really I shouldn't take (burns holes in my stomach) but is what really works. I can get away with taking one occasionally as a last resort. If I could take something like this or aspirin regularly I would never get to where I am now. Oh well...

I've canceled my clients for the day, the fire's going in the woodstove, snow is falling steadily outside, the dogs are sleeping, and the plumber who arrived at 8 this morning is almost done fixing the pipes under our bathroom sink.

I've made a little nest for myself here on the loveseat by the woodstove- pillows, a down throw, some green tea, and a pile of books. The new books I have include, "Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life," by David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD, which I bought myself as a birthday gift last month, and  "The China Study," by T. Colin Campbell and Thomas M. Campbell, a birthday/Christmas gift from Anna. Hopefully I'm not too Vicodin addled to read them. I'm also hoping to put together some recipes and meal plans for the next couple of weeks. I was thinking I might do some for Anna too, since she's also been overbusy and tired.

I find that the key to staying on track with my food and nutrition goals is to plan and organize meals and snacks ahead of time. When things get hectic, as they have been for the past couple of weeks, it's easy to find myself drifting into less than optimal eating behaviors; this can then lead to me worrying, which of course leads to more stress. Since I haven't been able to exercise at all for the past two weeks, staying on track with my eating is even more important than usual. I've been able to do a little bit of yoga and stretching, but that's about it. It will be so great to be able to walk again. In the meantime...

The Best Laid Plans

The weekend is almost over and I haven't posted pony photos or written the food post as planned. Sometimes things don't go as planned and that's just the way it is. It's been a good weekend nevertheless, just busy- a birthday party for my brother, pony riding Saturday morning, followed by a nice run in the rain, errands and out and about with Jim Saturday afternoon, household chores, schoolwork, it's all been good,

Over the last few days I've been very aware of how difficult it is to fit in everything I want to do, should do, need to do. I wish I could make time bigger but reality won't cooperate with me. For years I've maintained this irrational (I realize now) belief that one day I would find the magic solution and that everything would be neat, orderly, and done on time from then on. Sigh. It's not going to happen. I can see that. Today is an excellent case in point. It is not humanly possible (for me anyhow) to: go for a walk with our new neighbor, grade all the tests from last week's class, make a lesson plan for class next week, write a well thought out blog post, pick up a chair I bought for my office at another friend's house (30 minutes from here), ride MacGregor, work at the barn feeding the horses and cleaning up, read a pile of things I want to read, cook ahead for the week, color my hair, and a few other things as well, all in one day. The scary this is that if it were anywhere near possible I'd have even a longer list.

I read something recently (can't remember exactly what or where of course) that reminded me (again) of the value of non-doing, even for brief periods- and also that multi-tasking is not my friend but rather makes me feel off-balance and weirdly frazzled- exactly how I do not want to be or feel. I tonight I got myself to just sit and grade tests after dinner, just that, by itself, grading tests- sitting by the fire. It was relaxing, peaceful even- one test at a time, thinking about what to say to each student in my comments, thinking about what each student's answers reflect about their learning process and their thinking- thinking about who they are.

I'm on my own tonight; Jim's away so it's extra quiet here- a good opportunity to sink into the moment and not be so distracted. It's not that he distracts me- I distract myself. It's just easier for me to not do it when I'm alone- or to notice that I'm doing it and stop.

So I'm not going to write about food right now. I'll do that another time. Now I'm going to go get my blankets and things from upstairs so I can make up the couch and sleep down here. I can't safely carry Gus, who's 13, and has fallen down the stairs a couple of times this year, up the stairs to bed and then down in the morning again without taking a chance of falling down the stairs myself. I'm sleeping down here out of consideration for his needs and feelings- he'd be wringing his paws half the night if I went to bed, left him, and put the gate up. It's nice to sleep down here anyway, closer to the woodstove, on a cold night like tonight.