The weekend is almost over and I haven't posted pony photos or written the food post as planned. Sometimes things don't go as planned and that's just the way it is. It's been a good weekend nevertheless, just busy- a birthday party for my brother, pony riding Saturday morning, followed by a nice run in the rain, errands and out and about with Jim Saturday afternoon, household chores, schoolwork, it's all been good,
Over the last few days I've been very aware of how difficult it is to fit in everything I want to do, should do, need to do. I wish I could make time bigger but reality won't cooperate with me. For years I've maintained this irrational (I realize now) belief that one day I would find the magic solution and that everything would be neat, orderly, and done on time from then on. Sigh. It's not going to happen. I can see that. Today is an excellent case in point. It is not humanly possible (for me anyhow) to: go for a walk with our new neighbor, grade all the tests from last week's class, make a lesson plan for class next week, write a well thought out blog post, pick up a chair I bought for my office at another friend's house (30 minutes from here), ride MacGregor, work at the barn feeding the horses and cleaning up, read a pile of things I want to read, cook ahead for the week, color my hair, and a few other things as well, all in one day. The scary this is that if it were anywhere near possible I'd have even a longer list.
I read something recently (can't remember exactly what or where of course) that reminded me (again) of the value of non-doing, even for brief periods- and also that multi-tasking is not my friend but rather makes me feel off-balance and weirdly frazzled- exactly how I do not want to be or feel. I tonight I got myself to just sit and grade tests after dinner, just that, by itself, grading tests- sitting by the fire. It was relaxing, peaceful even- one test at a time, thinking about what to say to each student in my comments, thinking about what each student's answers reflect about their learning process and their thinking- thinking about who they are.
I'm on my own tonight; Jim's away so it's extra quiet here- a good opportunity to sink into the moment and not be so distracted. It's not that he distracts me- I distract myself. It's just easier for me to not do it when I'm alone- or to notice that I'm doing it and stop.
So I'm not going to write about food right now. I'll do that another time. Now I'm going to go get my blankets and things from upstairs so I can make up the couch and sleep down here. I can't safely carry Gus, who's 13, and has fallen down the stairs a couple of times this year, up the stairs to bed and then down in the morning again without taking a chance of falling down the stairs myself. I'm sleeping down here out of consideration for his needs and feelings- he'd be wringing his paws half the night if I went to bed, left him, and put the gate up. It's nice to sleep down here anyway, closer to the woodstove, on a cold night like tonight.
